I went through a rather hellish time. Everything just seemed to be going wrong at once. In so many areas of my life. On top of that I was having Lupus flares making dealing with everything so much harder.
I took all these things as a sign. A sign that more changes needed to be made. I needed to change the things I could control and the other things… well I had to hope and pray things would work out for the best. I was in a space where I couldn’t even blog. Something that brought me great joy. However, I knew I needed to take the time out to come back better!!
And here I am!!! Things are looking up! Although right now I’m on day 10 of a stomach bug and dealing with a Lupus and fibromyalgia flare at the same damn time!!! Let me break this down for you so you understand how this works in my world…
So I picked up a stomach bug when I visited my family in Cape Town more than a week ago. It slowly came on and then smacked me down hard. Tummy bug. So what? We all get them right? It was a bug going around in Cape Town. Now for “normal” people it will take about 5 days to get over the bug. Not me. I am on chemo meds which suppresses my immune system. This means I have no real immune system to fight the bug. So all I can do is consume an insane amount of probiotics and stomach cramp medication. I’m unable to eat so I make sure I’m drinking energade to replace electrolytes and lots of fluids. I’m so weak I spend most of my time sleeping. The most bizarre, awful and just shitty part is… because of my meds, even though I’m not eating I’m not losing weight. How crappy is that? Damn. Give a girl a festive season break!! I’ve been unable to partake in my coffee addiction and that is how I know I’m sick! Uggggh!
In my infinite wisdom I decided to stop taking the chemo to give my body a fighting chance against this bug because bloody hell this was slowing me down when I have so much to do! Er.. bad idea. By the second day I developed mouth ulcers. Tell tale sign of a Lupus flare!! By day three I could feel the “icky” Lupus feeling in my body. It sort of feels like a really bad case of the flu. I’m fatigued. My skin feels like it’s crawling, my jaw is clenching. Oh yes. I know my Lupus symptoms well. So last night I was forced to resume my chemo. Woke up this morning and at least my mouth ulcers are miraculously subsiding! So within a few days it will be under control. Fingers crossed!! BUT!! This just highlights what my rheumatologist said in my year end visit with him. I cannot go off my chemo yet. I’m nowhere near ready. I skipped it for 3 days and started a Lupus crap storm in my body. It’s okay though. This has been my reality for so long it’s not a biggie but I am always working on getting better and one day I hope to say “I am in remission!”. It will come. I am patient.
The last two days that I was in Cape Town the weather was miserable. It was windy and cold and for some odd reason the weather in Cape Town amps up my pelvic pain which can be really debilitating. True to form I bitched and moaned and pointed out that I had come from a heatwave in Johannesburg. Well.. joke was on me. I came back to a freezing Johannesburg with relentless rain. The temps were down to 16 degrees! Insanity! Since when does this happen in the heart of summer in Johannesburg??? The worst part was the apartment hunting nightmare (I will share this story in another blog) in this weather! Having to go out on in this weather. My body tanked and my fibromyalgia kicked in. I was so stiff and sore. Everytime we had to go see an apartment I layered myself like an onion. My knees ached. My back ached and then add the being sick with the stomach bug. Hubs, bless his heart …to my chagrin is a talker. So in the cold and rain, one appointment we were literally standing in light rain (he had a cap on) would talk and talk and ask what I would consider unecessary or premature questions. Man it drove me wild! I love him but that was torture!!!
Anyway… this post is to say I am baaaack! It felt good writing this. Like I’m writing a letter to my friends. I’ve missed you all. I hope you missed me! Watch out for my fast and furious posts!!!
Feels good to be back!