I got challenged? Dragged? For posting a blog post while I’m grieving. My Response….

by traceyrawoot, posted in chronic illness, corona, covid 19, death, grief, grieving, healing, perspective, Uncategorized

In short. Everyone grieves differently. If someone has the perfect handbook for this could you, please hand it over? I had said to the person that I was not doing good. My blog post comes out and I have a new phone, so I accidentally broadcast it on WhatsApp. I got a message from this person saying “So now you’re broadcasting WhatsApp messages”. I was taken aback. As I took time to realise what had just happened, I responded with “Maybe if you read the post you would understand why I’m posting. Nice time to be judgey” to which I got no response. Cool. Showing your ass. Really nice. If someone decided to go jogging I wouldn’t be out here saying “Well look at you exercising while you grieve!” Man, if running around in circles, in a speedo with a traffic cone on your head, in your back garden to process helped YOU I would probably cheer you on.

Let me add before I continue that I have been physically ill since last week. Extreme nausea, unable to eat, fluey symptoms. Add on the extreme fibromyalgia pain and I’m in physical hell. Now mix in the emotional turmoil and I’m a complete mess. Writing that post helped so much. I needed to write this post to rid myself the angry, disappointed feelings. Holding things in, we all know is asking for trouble with Lupus and Fibromyalgia. I have to find a way to focus my mind a bit and blogging helps that. Thinking of ideas for content, doing research etc. Throwing myself into something because grief can be so all consuming Like I said to my husband, “I’m sick of crying!”. So, as I said before, I turned to writing.

I’ve heard lots of stories some amazing some gob smacking at people’s grieving processes. I happened to watch an episode of Hoarders today. Well the beginning, because my nausea wouldn’t allow me to continue. When the hoarder lost her husband, she just kind of gave up. Everything basically went to hell. That hoard was a representation of her grief. The mess that was consuming her home was the grief that had been consuming her.

Right now, I’m not able to engage in actual conversations with people about what has happened. I’m feeling physically ill so I’m not up to holding a conversation and talking about how I’m feeling or anything really. I can’t even talk about it because I’m still trying to process so many parts of this. So please be patient with me. Yes, I will post. I promise my posts won’t all be sad. Like I said before, I deal with sadness with things that make me happy, things that make me laugh. I am very aware of things like the 12 stages of grief etc. This is not my first Rodeo but it is very different thanks to Covid. Looking at the major grief events I went through are all different so I suspect my response will be different too. Who knows? Like I said… No handbook for this.

I don’t believe there is anything wrong with posting during my grieving because it is part of my process. It’s helping to get me through. Opinions are like arseholes. Everyone has them. People will always talk. Someone would have some problem with my grieving. That’s just how too many people in this world have become. It is what it is. I can’t change them, only my reaction to it. In this instance I preferred to throw my emotions into this blog post. The more I can throw into it the better for me. People really don’t understand how important the tightrope of anxiety/stress is for me with both of my conditions. I lost my Grandad far too soon and NO ONE can tell me how to deal with it. That was MY Grandad. It is my LOSS.

Thank you to everyone with their amazing messages. I really truly appreciate each and every one of them, they mean more than you know. I will be back on the grid. It’s just going to take some time. Thank you for being patient with me. Tomorrow we say Goodbye to my Grandad. It’s going to be another surreal time. International Zoom funeral. I will tell you all about my experience with death in the time of Covid-19 when I get to that point. Again, thank you for all the messages.

So what do you think about me posting? During the week he died. Too soon? I’d love to hear your thoughts. Having readers from around the world I’d love to get what your take on it is in terms of you culture. Would love comments!

Stay Safe

ONE LOVE✌😷

23 thoughts on “I got challenged? Dragged? For posting a blog post while I’m grieving. My Response….”

    2. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for this. Yesterday it was 1 week that he had passed away. Grief is so complex and people grieve differently. This is something I respect. I wish this person had done the same. The sad part is it’s the one person I confided in about what was going on.
      Today I am going to write about my Grandad and death in the time of covid. Spoiler alert international zoom call funeral. All so surreal. And I’m in another city and couldn’t be there.
      Thank you for these words. They help build me up. I really appreciate you taking the time to write to me 💜💜💜

      Like

      Reply

  6. I like how honest you are about your experience because grief is unlike any journey, and one no one wants to experience. I appreciate your honesty in your anger as I’ve experienced a small portion of it, too, in writing about my daughter, who died May 27.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    1. I am so incredibly sorry about that. I cannot begin to fathom that pain. I’m tired of having to justify and explain myself to people. The older I get the less fussed I am about it.
      That was YOUR baby! You grieve ANYWAY you want to! Please know I am here. Still grieving because it’s been so surreal.
      Zoom funeral. Service ends and you walk away from a computer. There is no consoling or being consoled or being around your loved ones. Coming to terms with it is proving to be hard because everything was so bizarre. I will most definitely go and read about your precious angel.
      Sending you light and love! 💞💞💞

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

      1. I am so sorry. I cannot begin to imagine what a Zoom funeral would be like. We were fortunate to have an in-person funeral. I wrote a poem recently imagining what it must’ve been like for my great grandmother when her son went missing with his crew in World War II. He was presumed dead, and they had no body.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I’m glad you had that. So glad. I always feel that it’s so hard when someone goes missing because you never know. The not knowing would eat me up alive. That’s awful. Did you post the poem?

        Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

Gravatar
WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. ( Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. ( Log Out /  Change )

Cancel

Connecting to %s