So guess where I was last night. No prizes for winning. My body is giving up on my behalf..

Here’s a hint

I might as well set up a bed for myself here… make it comfy

I’m tired. My body is tired and my mind is tired. Since Saturday last week, so 10 days of unrelenting pain. I’m not able to function even through copious amounts of medication.

When the E.R doctor saw me I just burst into tears. It meant getting one step closer to relief. Well… Morphine and 3 other pain killers via IV and still the pain did not subside enough. There was nothing left to do. I could not consume any more medication for fear of overdosing. So the E.R doc and I spoke. I needed a game plan.

I was grateful for him. I’ve experienced E.R doctors who literally have said “I can’t give you anything strong because drug addicts come in for a fix.” EXCUSE ME? I shit you not. Yes, there is a stigma attached to it and instead of him thinking I was back for a fix he knew I was back because my pain was genuine. You have no idea how important it is to have a doctor who understands your pain. Where you don’t have to try and convince them that you would rather jump off a building than continue this pain flare that is just not easing.

We looked at the options. We decided I would schedule my neck epidural a.s.a.p to see if that would help. Thanks to opiod addicts he as an E.R doctor could only prescribe the fentanyl as a once off pain patch because of the regulations around the medication. Now this doesn’t just mean heroin/pethadine junkies but also surburban moms who pop these opiod pills like candy. Thank you for making it hard for someone with real pain to get the help they need.

For now I am worn out. My day revolves around my pain level and pain management. 10 days of this now. I’m slowly losing the ability to keep it looking like I’ve got it together. I have to go to Cape Town in three days and I’m kinda freaking out a bit. I’m hoping the happiness my kiddos bring me will outrival the pain I’m in. An antidote if you will.

So game plan before travelling. I’m desperate now. Tomorrow I am having physio. A double session. On Friday I am going to do the hyperbaric chamber (oxygen tank) as well as flotation therapy. As mentioned before I will do a review and share whether it worked for ME and what it entails. Let me be the guinea pig to demystify some of this for you.

For now, my call to action remains the same. Keep sending positive vibes, prayers, duas, positive energies etc. Some of you need to up your game though! I’m still out here suffering so you’re not on your knees long enough!!! I’m joking. Totally joking. You will come to find that I have an out there, bizarre sense of of humour. Not everyone always gets it and I scare others πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚. Sorry! Consider this your heads up!

I maintain that if I don’t laugh myself through all of this I am going to end up crying through it and that is not an option. That is not me and when I get to that place I know I need to journal more and up my psychologist visits.

All I ask for now is the mental and physical strength to carry on. I feel like I am a pile of clothes just laying on the floor and I almost need someone to pick me up because I can’t. I’m limp just like that pile of clothes. Please God let things just get better, even for just one day so my brain can rest up and have the fortitude to fight back.

I’m still going to fight. I have an important #mefirst that I wanted to post today and I WILL find a way to do it. To those who listen to (read) my sob stories of late, I’m sorry but I want this blog to be as authentic as possible. I want you to understand my life real time and authentically so you can understand the battle. In understanding the battle I hope you will share awareness, even if it’s just sharing this blog. It shows you support me. I appreciate you and I thank you. I hope in seeing what it does to your daily life people will realise how important medical research is for Lupus and Fibromyalgia.

We need more awareness that can lead to more awareness! More awareness can equate to more research. More research means more medical strides being made and possibly even a cure! (Hey a girl can dream can’t she πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚).

I saw some really funny fibromyalgia memes. I think I will share those because I don’t want to depress us all today! If you know me… that’s not me. I relish in a good laugh! Have an amazing day everyone!

How’s this… there were 4 JMPD (Johannesburg Metro Police Department) officers waiting for their colleague. Four? Really. It’s not like he got shot or had some grievous bodily harm. Nope. They made my pain levels go mad! Taking up so much space and then you’re loud on top of it. Like for real man. Even louder on their cell phones and they didn’t even go outside to take the call! Turns out that this JMPD officer had a muscle spasm. Yes, a muscle spasm. The same muscle I battle with everyday! The one that physio concentrates on the mos. Yes it’s sore but E.R, bring along four colleagues sore? NO! So you mean sore traps take you to the ER. How the hell you gonna save my life if I ever needed it bro??? “Oooh my legg! I pulled a muscle. Ooh I can’t run”.

The best was listening to the E.R doc telling him he needs to go for physio. They’ve run MRI’s and everything and all it is, is a stiff muscle πŸ˜‚ If you’re not South African… these are lazy, overweight asses who are so corrupt and unfit (in so many senses of the word). He then also told he needs to exercise. Sitting in a van all day is not good and he needs to exercise and get fit. THAT will help fix the problem. A little giggle through my tears. You tell ’em doc! Having said that there are a few, very few but still, who take pride in their jobs and are not corrupt. Hat’s off to you!